I sit on my rock, taking in the sounds of nature, the rustling of the breeze through the grass, the occasional soft neighing of the neighbors horses, and even the sound of the trucks out on the main road past the end of our property. I take a deep breath and try to clear my mind and then begin my daily ritual of prayer. I should say it is more like a one sided conversation with God. Money has been tight, and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. Our savings has been completely drained, and we live day to day off my job in Internet Sales at a car dealership, where sales has been dreadfully slow. My wife works two part time jobs, one she loves and lives to go to on Fridays and Saturdays, ond one she hates and drags herself to 3 days a week. I start my monologue, “Dear God, I have faith you exist, and that you watch over us, but why do you let me suffer soand not answer my prayers. I need so much and you are very capable of providing, but you seem to turn a deaf ear to me.You don't answer and always seem to leave me hanging.”
A stirring inside of me and a warmth seemed to eminate from within, rising from my toes, up my legs into my stomach and chest, despite the morning chill in the air. My head spun and a dull ache in my heart stirred to life. I heard, or I should more aptly say I felt a voice stirring deep inside of me. I can't quite explain it, I didn't hear the voice in my ears, but rather heard it with my heart, but could understand it just the same.
“What troubles you my son,” it said to me, and I realized it was God speaking to me. It wasn't the deep booming voice from heaven we think of when we see movies like The Ten Commandments, but a soft whisper, neither male nor female.
“Abba,” I responded, “Why don't I hear youwith my ears?”
“Because, my son,” the voice responded, “I speak to you through the Spirit, for when I breathed life into Adam, the life I instilled in him was that of the Holy Spirit, which is in place in all of you my children. It is there before you were born into this world, and it will be ther long after you pass from it. It is what sets you apart from the animals in my kingdom. You have a piece of me dwelling inside you, and I am with you always.”
I felt at peace, and instantly realized this was true, and I started, “so the Trinity...”
“Yes my son, the Trinity does exist,” the voice responded. “I am God the father as I have been called, but more accurately I am God the Creator. Look around you my son, everything you see was created by me. I set the world in motion right down to the great glaciers that set this stone in place that you sit upon and talk to me. Before you Willis Willis would sit upon this rock and rest from his tiring work in this very field, and as a boy he would climb upon this rock as he watched his father toil in the summer heat.” I realized he was talking about Willis Gale and his father Daniel Gale. Willis was my wife's great uncle, and Daniel his father. They owned this farm before I bought it from my in-laws., but this was no secret. They left it to my mother in law, and were very well known in the area, people to this day talk fondly of old Willis Gale.
The voice went on, “So I am God the father and creator of all that was, is, and is to be. I am the common ground that unites all of existance. Inside each of you is your soul, the inner you, the part of you that wasbefore you were. It dwells inside of you, and always will be even after your body passes on to become the dust I created you from. Along with the soul that exists inside of you I have instilled a part of me , that man has come to call the Holy Spirit. The Spirit talks to you on a daily basis, even though mankind has lost the ears to hear it, but you feel it. It is that tugging at your heart, trying to get you on the right path, trying to guide you past the pitfalls in life, and to my heavenly purpose. But you as man through the original defiance you have come to call the original sin, have allowed another to dwell inside of you, and that being controls you through the EGO, and tells you how great you can be, by worshiping things that do not matter, like money and possessions. Essentially when you follow ego, you edge God out of you life and let the dark power take over, aqnd control the direction you take in your life.
Look at the mess in this world, the collapsed economies, the lost jobs, the devalued properties, it is all a result of greed. Man wanting more than he truly needs, houses were getting bigger and bigger, as were the mortgages, and deceptive ways were devised to cover up the debt incurred. Things are considered neccesities that aren't necessary at all. They ar enice to haves and it would make my life easier if...but not necessary at all to live. Cars had to be fancier and bigger.Things considered neccesities may be nice but truly not neccessitie to live. Things had to be bigge, fancier, more economical. All because the one who controls the ego said it should be. You as a society have strayed from your roots. You government fills your headwith lies and like the rest of you, lives well outside of its means, but no one wants to sufer the hard cuts because of a sense of entitlement. You learned nothing from my earthly incarnation in the form of the Christ. He came to earth as an example of how to lead your life, and howit should be lead, and to hopefully awaken you to the existance of the Spirit inside of each of you. He was sent to be the part of me that exeperienced what you experience. He was sent to be the Rabbi of all Rabbi's. I have listened my son, not only to you but to generation upon generations who were like you.” the voice said unto me.
“How do I know you listened my Lord, I mean my life is so messed up and seemingly empty.” I cried.
Is it now? Empty you say, I would say just the opposite, your life is rich and full. I have instilled in you a purpose to minister to your fellow man, and you have found your niche in caring for your fellow warriors. You warriors hold a special place in my heart because for the most part you fight the evil in this world. You put you lives on the line to fight tyranny and hatred, but you also pay the price with your thousand yard stares, and metal anguish from experiencing the horros that man can inflict on their fellow man. This is a result of evil getting inside and messing with the EGO, and filling the mind with self centered thoughts which result in Edging God Out of your lives.” the voice inside my heart continues, “ now to your original prayer, when have I not answered your prayers? You prayed for help in heating your house and I arranged for one receptive to delivering wood and accepting payment over time, then I went a step further and got you a load delivered free of charge from another source. You prayed for relief of a car loan...”
“Now wait a minute God,” I say,, “ I got out from under the car payment because my daughter totaled her mothers car, now that can't be the same thing.”
“Now my son,” God went on,” why does it have to work out exactly as YOU want? Yes she was in an accident, and totaled the car, but didn't I protect her from injury, as well as the other driver? Didn't you get exactly enough to pay off the loan on the car? I would say it all worked out for you.” “You Prayed for money to pay for truck repairs, and didn't I provide work that paid enough to cover those expenses, as well as provide a lady you have become friendly with and is a huge fan of yours?You prayed fervently for a job when your unemployemtn ran out and I provided one. Ialso provided finacial help whn you needed it to pay your bills. When you though Christmases were going to be dismal, didn't I provide money for you to buy presents for your girls, and you admitted yourself tha those were two of the best Christmas's of your life.”
“So okay God,” I ask, “Why do you let bad things happen to good people?”
My son,” God responded, “I don't let bad things happen to good people, you people alone allow bad things to happen to yourselves. Again you rely on EGO to sort things out, and rely on your own understanding. You Edge Me Out, even when you come to me in prayer, rather than listening to the stirring in your heart, and the murmeurs of the Spirit, you rely more on your own intuition and the direction of the EGO. Yes I created the EGO as an instrument for you to develop some pride in your accomplishments, but you have pushed it furhter and further ahead in your life, and placed it above me. Many people worship themselves above me and fail to acknowledge any control I have over their lives. They turn only to themsleves for answers, and take credit for all the good things that happen in ther lives, but blame me when things go wrong. There are two things and two things only I ask of you as humans, and that is to love your fellow man as you love yourself, and two is to in all ways acknowledge me. You must remember that Gratitude is an attitude, and that it is catchy. Just as you like your children to be grateful for the things you do for them, I like all my children to be grateful for the things I do for them. Just as when your children are grateful , you are willing to give them and trust them more, I am also. However, just as you are dismayed when all your children do is come to you with their hands out looking for more without acknowledging what you have already done for them, I get upset when people come to me in prayer and just ask for blessings in their lives. It is totally within my power to make everyman wealthy in ways you can only imagine, but I do not do so because if you are not to be thankful for the small things in your lives, you will never be for the big things either.. Additionally with the benefits of my treasures comes the awesome responsibility of sharing the treasure with those around you as I share them with you. Do you understand what I am saying? You give so freely of yourself and that which I have entrusted in you, but others do not. They think the amassing of gold and jewels make them rich, they fail to realize it is not the ability to amass the vast amount of riches, but the ability to share what I have trusted to you with others that makes you truly rich..”
“My big fear my Lord,” I muse, “is that I am not praying properly.”
“My son,” my heart murmurs, “is there a proper way to pray? You tell me.”
“I don't know Lord,” I reply, “So many people in the Bible seem to have it wired, with the right amount of formality, even people at church, yo uknow the pious ones that use the flowery words and kneel with their heads bowed. That just doesn't feel right to me, I don't know, I just want to do it right.”
“There is no right way, and there is no wrong way to pray,” the voice assures me. “There is only what is comfortable to you. How do you talk to your friends? Are you all formal and correct when you talk to them? If you are comfortable on your knees, then by all means do that. If you are more comfortable sitting on a rock in the middle of a beautiful field with the sounds of nature all around you, then by all means do that. I really don't care, what I do care is that you share with me and come to me with your joys as well as your fears. I care that you have a sense of gratitude for what you have. Talk to me as you wold your wife and kids. What is right for you is right for me.”
“Okay, I say,”I can see that, but it seems that you don't hear me or care to answer.”
“I always answer you Paul,” the voice assures me, You just have to remember, your time is not my time. To me a day is like a millenium, and a millenium is like a day. I answer you when the time is right, in my time, not yours.
“But God,” I cry, “How do I know that if I don't hear you?”
“Paul, Paul, Paul,” He goes on, “You also have to remember man has forgotten how to hear me. I didn't stop communicating with you, you stopped learning how to listen. Abraham, Enoch, Daniel, David, and even Paul learned how to listen to the murmur in their soul just as you are doing right now, that is how I communicate with you. I also send you messages through your surroundings and nature. Remember when you decided it was right to start a ministry, you were talking to me in a garden. What happened then?”
“I remember,” I said, “A hummingbird landed on abranch right next to me and sat there looking at me. I felt so peaceful and everyhting felt so right.”
“And was that not an answer to you?”
“I see what you mean my Lord, I see what you mean.”
“My son just because I don't ensure you have all the things you think are the finest in the world, I have entrusted you with some of the most precious gifts life has to offer. A good woman at your side, the sound of giggling children at play, the beauty of a sunrise and sunset over the mountains. And you do show gratitude for these, and I am appreciative of that, for many don't and just grumble about what they don't have even when I have given them so much. So go forth my son and enjoy the pleasures I have given you, and remember this, the most precious gift is time, for even though it goes on eternally, your time in this physical body is limited and finite,and you can't replace any of it once it is gone, so spend it wisely, and enjoy every second of it.”
With that the voice subsided and my heart went quiet, but the glow remained and I knew my conversation with God was over, for now. But I also felt if I continued to speak, God would be ther listening. I walked back to the house a few minutes later with a new fresh perspective on life, and my relationship with my Creator.
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